{INTRODUCTION}
Honestly, this post is created in my supposed study time late night. But i just feel something pushes me to type this before study because I believe He (Jesus Christ) had participated in a process to change me to be a better person, and it's not an option to study first,and what could possibly happened is i'm going to sleep and this post will never exists.
There's a string of different events He shaped me, but i'm going to tell a couple of it only.
Ok, so the first event is occured on early 2012, 3rd January to be exact. I'm a medical student in Surabaya where my university is revealed to use a "New" curriculum, Block based. where out of some 73 medical schools available in Indonesia, only 2 of it who adopt it. My school is navy-based school and they do kinda shortage in lecturers and cool stuffs compared to a top public universities. While the other college who adapts the block system is a top public college.
(PROLOGUE}
In this system, first year students will have 10 mini blocks called "FBS, Fundamental Biomed sciences" where each of them will get mark composed of paper based test (60%), practical test (~10%), and SOOCA (30%). SOOCA is kinda individual presentation test where each SOOCA, students have to study and understood extremely well on ~4 different clinical cases,but since we're first year students, we just have to learn the basic anatomy-histology-physiology stuffs, etc (Excludes treatment, pharmacology, etc). We have to make sure we practised to presents each of 4 cases to the jury duo and remember the brainstorming. During the test, we'll be asked to take a draw randomly to select which 1 of 4 cases we have to present to a random jury. It's though since often my friends failed to remember the case and he scored extremly bad marks, or if they don't understand really well, jury could minus their marks. SOOCA is so important because it composes 30% of total overall mark, and the we're not allowed to have a single E (<40) of the 10 FBS or some max 2 D's (<49), if we do, we have to repeat a FULL YEAR (2 smsters).
{CASE SUMMARY}
i got my first SOOCA around September 2011 and luckily i got nice jury and the easiest case to explain which i scored A pretty easy, while most of my friends also get good marks, some also experienced disastrous results. Before the first SOOCA, i heard from seniors how horror is SOOCA and since i score pretty easy, i quite underestimate SOOCA. I felt easy to get marks and so i go less diligent for the next couple FBS though i still manage to get average marks (A and BC). Next SOOCA is due 3rd January which is irritating to most of us since we only got the holidays from 23 dec- 2 jan. We got rigid tables and holiday is rare. We got our first "long" holiday but we have to study for SOOCA, so unfair to most of us. However, most of us did study their best for the SOOCA in their hometowns and holiday destinations. I'm also taking break on my native hometown and my spirit to study SOOCA is low. I underestimated it.
I did study but not in a level for a SOOCA. on 1st jan 2012, i flew back to Surabaya to finalise my preparations and I asked with my friends to practice together on 2nd Jan noon. On that practice, i just realized how my friends were far more prepared than me and how horrible is my preparation with less than 24 hours to go.
D-day, and i it's up my turn to take the draw, i got case #1. this case is fair, not too easy yet not the toughest. After i complete my mappings and enter the test room, which i don't know who the jury duo is previously, i was pretty nervous since i'm lack of confidence since i realized many people are better, but i did try my best to study allover late night after the practice. In the room, i only recognize one jury and i don't recognize the second one. As usual, each students were given 20 minutes to present. I did complete the presentation in a basic standard and horribly it was only 13 minutes! 7 minutes left and the second jury seemed to enjoy asking me questions. She's good in looking my lack of confidence and used it to press me on till i'm nervous on my own. The first jury (she doesn't recognize me anyway) did asked a questions which also exploits my lack of confidence. After the worst 7 minute ever and i step out of the room, i realize they just "slaughtered" me but since i think i completed the basic of the case, i should've score B at least.
few days later, the result is posted. I got kinda low mark, CD. So shocking!! I never expect an CD!! SOOCA is final decision and won't be doubtable since it's also a subjective test. Though CD is not a extreme danger to plunge me down, but it's a nightmare to me to score that. I'm shocked for few days, as my friends score quite good marks B's to A's even some of them got the lucky jury, but it's not an excuse for me since i know how is my effort.....
{REVIEW}
I prayed and argued with God for the result. Luckily, since my paper test is quite well, my final marks will be OK. The shock led me to change my philosophy of SOOCA and study. The next SOOCA is due on March 2012. This time, I had a good determination to overwhelm the failure before. I studied well and I use the final day to practice all over and finalize all with the costs of sleeping at 3 am and woke up 5 am next day but to re-practice all again. During the test, I got the toughest case this time but i'm prepared and the results is fantastic, A!!! I'm so happy and joy with it. Luckily on this, my paper test score only average marks since it's one of the hardest FBS and the SOOCA surely lifted the marks.
As soon as the A pops out, i then analyze the objective of my previous failure. Jesus is trying to save me from worst marks on the upcoming blocks which are far more difficult than the previous one including the disaster SOOCA. By that shock, ever since i studied the best i could for all tests and upcoming SOOCAs. I no longer underestimate SOOCA. Why he selects on the second SOOCA? I Realize that the paper tests on that SOOCA is quite well with A and BC. The SOOCA's CD did degrades my final mark to B and C but it's still the safe zone and those have low credits. The 3rd SOOCA which i succeed has lower paper test mark with high credit. By shocking the lazy me on the 2nd SOOCA, i change myself on study and my philosophy of not underestimating anything since it could turn lethal. And since that, i keep trying my best to study well for upcoming challenges to come.
Praise lord for his plans!! He always have a good plan behind every worst scenario we experience.
Experience 2. Roadway accident
(tired now, make it quick)
{CASE SUMMARY}
After a lab class, i offered a couple of my friend a ride home. Instead of using the usual way, somehow that day, something triggered me to use other road. On the course, i realize that course is only making me further from the destination and i'm looking for a U-turn. On that road, i found some cleft on the paving but it clearly had denying u-turn marks. So i kept going and i saw some clefts ahead with no marks....so i think it's OK to turn there and so i clicked the right blinker as preparation. Suddenly, a speedy bike speeds up on my right and crashes to me. I asked them to evacuate to the roadside, and somehow the medical spirit just kicks on by me to quickly asses their medical situation. only 1 was hurt with a super slight scratch and he deny my offer of medicine. They (3) people rests under the tree and one of them is calling his friend to assist. My car suffered quite a damage while the person (i'm going to speak of the first person since he's the culprit) bike is intact. Based on my parents instructions, they asked me just to let go people since it's a good way to behave and i don't exploit people. so i explain to him it's OK for him to cover the repair costs as he wanted or if he can't afford, he can just leave. Somehow, even since the first second of crash, i talked to them just like a doctor speaking to a patient with full patience. it's the same tone i speak to my lecturers, the most professional way to speak possible. Suddenly, he blames me for it?! He tells me that it's not allowed to turn there, i was boiled but somehow, out of control, i just cannot show anger or speak bad words,etc...somehow something holds my anger and kept my patience high.....honestly, something holds me. But i don't realize it much. I surveyed people around the road where they say it's common for people to U-turn there. Anyway, that bike is still wrong, he's not supposed to drive the right side, bikes are asked to ride on left side and it's in regulations. The man says he had a police friend and challenged me to go the police. I'm no fear, BUT, previously, my parents had ordered me to end things up and not the police since they're famed for helping bikes and blaming cars all the time and they always ask for other costs. I'm so obey to my parents i reject to police. and my mental seemed not good enough. Instead the culprit is seemed to control the situation. He keeps angry with my and say dirty words to me and my friend which is much more puzzled than me.(hahaha). but when i try to call inside my well covered glass car, i saw them giggles like a champ. SHIT!!!! They're controlling me but i know something else is controlling me from my way to speak to behave...something i cannot explain but exists (not my mum of course). But again, something kept me in professional line. Since it's close to my college, i ask them to go there and check for the wounds and before, we record each other's data. As we split up and they go the medical room, i got to the medical college and asks a navy officer which acts as college security to help to mediate the event. The officer agreed and as the culprit friend who comes forward (the culprit is on the medical room) and tries to anger, the officer angers him back! haha. I offered 40.000 for further medical relieve to the culprit as good intention but he rejects and laughs easily at me. i'm so fuming, but weird, something again is holding me. the officer doesn't looked too good to defend me but he did helped to prevent the culprit from overwhelm me. Good mediator. The asshole culprit is asking staggering 500.000 (US$ 55) for "pain" or deal at police. I'M EXTREMELY FUMED but all i could release from the anger is only high voice, not bad words, not any other. Even the nurses and doctors giggles when i told them the story, it's out of sense 500k. In the end, i agreed to let the mediator judge the best number and i'll go with it. the mediator speaks half, 250k (anyway, i settle to pay as the doctors, navy guys, friends etc suggests me in a private conversation to pay some rather than making it a longer method of solving). Previously i already announced i will pay the medical costs since i'm the one asking him to get there. The assholes are laugh in joy as i walk but he didn't realized i kept watching their behavior in techniques. my cars repair costs me appx US$ 150 and one week.
For those in my country, will no doubt about my solving problem but probably the 250k money since it's definitely too much for light scratch (not more than soccer scratch). But anyway it is settled.
For those in other countries (especially in west n modern countries: US, UK, Canada, Australia, Japan, Singapore, EU, Korea, etc), would probably laughs now why i just don't bring it to the law. Ok, if u are this categories, i will not explain why and u will understood if u stays here too. And trust me it's the best way i've taken.
{REVIEW}
Ok, now the review. What's with God plan this time? honestly i'm so fumed i anger on myself why i can't challenge that ****-ing guy? Even the night i consult my my friend about this event and my actions on it. I protested to God.
Few months before i had asked in church to give my life to serve God and his ways. I also tried to read the scriptures, at least a small part every night. And i sing worships, prayers etc daily since i love it too. Few days before this incident, it's easter and that time, we are refreshed about God give his life for the sinful people and the rises on the 3rd day.
the full 24 hours i confront to God with the incident. I felt stupid not to challenge that guy. Now, some 36 hrs since the incident, I think i got some answers. I realized it's Jesus is with me all the incident. He prevents me from returning the bad words and anger. If i did anger that time, maybe it would end up in fight and i'm not a good fighter and even i'm the victim, here, many x-factors would easily turn me from victim to defendant, if so, i don't know what will happened now anyway, will i make this post?maybe not.
It is extremely impossible that other than God can hold me from exploding myself to that guy. He also leads me to confront the man in my college since i can ask assistance from a navy officer where i study to mediate and that's million times and maybe the best way rather than police. it's better to let the culprit go and feel like a hero by taking my money despite his mistakes but i'm comfortable.......comfortable??yes, few months ago, a chinese college student (from other college) is shot dead and robbed from it's car. People suspects that it's a revenge from xx....
I think it's better to let him go and i can recover much easily without harm on me.
He also realized it's a matter of time until i got exploded and challenged them further, if not of the doctors, navy officer, friends, interns that help calm me down personally and suggests me to just pay the money anyway. They have super important part in bringing all this down to end.
anyway, i manage to pray for that guy as i try to do what the bible had stated to pray for our enemies. and i pray for god to help me to forgive that guy. Honestly,yes i'm fumed w/ that person but i believe in scriptures which states that revenge is the right of God. Let God do his job, I may not intercept His job.
other aspects, i get a valuable experience from this. I could go home to analyze the chain of events and how to overcome it next time w/o walking away from the Scriptures. About the repairs, previously i'm a super dumb anything about cars (i'm a fan of military and modern war history so i know thousand time more of fighter planes, warships, rifles, world war 2.....rather than commercial cars as what most male teens would know) and since i had to repair, i studied many info about cars in the workshop. I learn to to become extremely patient to others as what a future doctor MUST able to do it.
Many people don't knw how i care much about psychology. It's been an interest on me since junior HS and i'm so enjoyed to listen and helped my friends from their ordeal. it's been an honor to listen to my friends. But i'm a person who knows psychology most from personal experience analyzation and people's statement and experience. From this, i realized about shock, trauma, etc (luckily i manage to cope myself from these). it's been a long interest on my about event trauma (ex: why do rape victims were reported that they will become stressful and trauma to boys, even those she know well) and from this event, i got a dozens of new data that could help to fill my thirst of psychology and perhaps, Jesus is preparing me to receive a new "patient" one day where this experience will help me to help others. As stated in 1 Corinthians 10, Jesus will ALWAYS open a escape way for us from our ordeal.
{FINAL STATEMENT}
This post tells a small piece of how Jesus change me up. He makes me better and better by a chain of events. But i know God is always by my side, watching me and help me out of the ordeal as i can take the lesson God wants to teach me from that particular event. From a lazy guy to become more diligent and from a tempered guy to become more patient as I have to be as a doctor in the future to come. Experience are priceless. U can't buy them. but they are extremely valuable for your life.
life's short. Human is a complex mixture of art. Love it, and love the creator. PEACE
{END}
PS: THIS POST HAD NOT YET BEEN REVIEWED BY MYSELF YET AND SO PLEASE CONSIDER IF SOME GRAMMAR,VOCABS, OR THE STORY IT SELF IS TYPED IN UNSATISFYING WAY. POSTS ARE FINAL WHEN THIS MESSAGE IS REMOVED.
STOP PRESS!!!
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